i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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