just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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