i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
