I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
