Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
