I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
