I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
