so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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