Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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