I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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