and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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