it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
