Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
