Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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