Well apparently he's into motor boating.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
accomplished twins. life is a go
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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