I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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