Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He better not be in your backpack
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
