I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so that wasnt chicken after all
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
