Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
