omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
