Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize