so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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