I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
