I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
