You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
