They should really pass out barf bags in church
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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