I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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