i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
