Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
