i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
