At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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