I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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