my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
