i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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