What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
