Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize