All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
