Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
