Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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