Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My vagina is officially offended.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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