i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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