she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We're too hungover to prance.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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