When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
