I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
