You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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