i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
