I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
