Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
