I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
