it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
