We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
