That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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