oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
