it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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