Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
