God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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