YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
