I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
