I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
