Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
