Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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