i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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