i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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