bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
