theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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