Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
