Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
it hurts more in the daytime
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize