You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
