If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My ass is underappreciated
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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