I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
