I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
accomplished twins. life is a go
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
