Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize