I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
