I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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