I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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