Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
