p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
