i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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