Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
