I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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