Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.

Fav 28 1434 4191
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.

Fav 10 3918 1283
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(204): View more from Manitoba

Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god

Fav 33 1679 3717
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(208): View more from Idaho

Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.

Fav 6 1810 868
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(415): View more from California

The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.

Fav 9 1513 682
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(720): View more from Colorado

Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.

Fav 2 1021 759
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(916): View more from California

BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you

Fav 1 1259 630
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.

Fav 4 134 326
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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.

Fav 0 14 25
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