im six kinds of drunk right now
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
