So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
FUCK WHALES
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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