Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
