I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
