I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
