Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
