just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
