I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
