just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
