i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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