I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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