Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
