and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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