I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
