Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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