I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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