He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
