Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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