i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
