Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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