shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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