Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
