I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
