Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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