Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
