why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
