thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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